October 16, 2016 we were wrapping up at the Gurmat Bibek Vidyala after Asa ki Vaar Kirtan. This Kirtan Seva was given to my wife and I and I still remember that we made Paalak Paneer for Langar and had a lot left over which we packed to take home. After cleaning up and locking up the Vidyala around 1 pm we left with all of the excess groceries we had brought for Langar and all the left over Paalak Paneer in the trunk. We had just started to drive when we got a phone call from the midwife.
Sanmukh Kaur was 37 weeks pregnant with our first born and she had developed some symptoms of cholestasis which prompted testing. The midwife called as soon as the results came in and told us we would need to meet her at the hospital for an urgent induction.
Minded we hadn’t slept the night prior since we were preparing Langar and after such a tiring Kirtan Smagam we were ready to go home and sleep, but now we get this call and the emotions start hitting us. We had to go home first and unload the car and put the extra food into the fridge, we got our hospital bags into the car (no idea how we pulled off being prepared before hand, not really in character for us), and drove towards the hospital.
After all of the testing and processing it ended up being around 6 pm once Sanmukh Kaur went into labour. I was so tired…. I mean we were both so tired… I guess she was probably more tired —
Fast forward to 1 am and after a brief nap from the both of us, at Amritvela 1:20 am on October 17, 2016, the day we were celebrating Sri Guru Raamdas ji’s Gurpurab, Deva Singh was born.
I still distinctly remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was standing beside Sanmukh Kaur’s right shoulder and the midwife handed Deva Singh to her as he was born. He was crying until he looked up at me, and then at her and silence. My heart stopped beating. The world had changed. I had changed. Everything was new and now I was a father.
I can’t describe the feeling but it was a spiritual change in the world. I was now responsible for this baby and this stranger who had entered our lives was now the most important part of it. A stranger yet a familiar. I looked at him and I saw myself. Or at least a reflection of myself, yet I knew nothing about him. I knew nothing of what he would be like, what his personality would be, who he would become.
The weight on my shoulders, the responsibility, the trust which Vaheguru placed in my hands. It was perfect. It was only at this moment that I realized the importance of having children.
Deva Singh is now 9 years old as of writing this article and he is one of my greatest companions and friends. I am exceptionally proud to be his father and amazed at who he has become so far, but it would be dishonest if I said I was a perfect father. I think that’s the trick here, the mystery of fatherhood, a question I asked of Bhai Kulbir Singh, “How can I be the perfect father?”
I knew I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes that my own dad made, or many other dads I saw around me. I had some inspirational figures who I thought were successful as fathers, Bhai Kulbir Singh being one of them. But I didn’t just want to be a good father, I wanted to be the best!
I saw a reel on instagram a while back where a white guy is making pancakes and he burns the first pancake he makes. He jokes that kids are kind of like pancakes, you always mess up the first one. I chuckled a little but it hit very close to home. I look at where my kids are at today and I can’t help but feel amazed at how far they have reached despite my shortcomings. Sure we were good parents, and Sanmukh Kaur was a phenomenal teacher, but during Deva Singh’s first few years we were totally unprepared for how to care and nurture for him properly.
At the age of 9 Deva Singh now does Nitnem with me every morning from memory, one Pankti at a time turn by turn, and does Naam Abhiyaas at Amritvela. He has memorized Nitnem, Asa ki Vaar, and many other smaller Banian. He was able to read Gurbani by the age of 3 and was able to do a few Angs from Larivaar by the age of 4. We are working on Akhand Paath Sahib practice but lately it has taken the back burner. He is exceptionally gifted in academics and is a speed reader, reading novels like The Hobbit in two days. Certainly we did some really good things to get him to this point, but I can only imagine, if I had the knowledge I have today, 9 years ago, what would be possible for him. We barely scratched the surface of what he could have been capable of.
This is exactly why I have started this paid section on this substack. While I will continue to release free articles on various Gurmat topics as Guru Sahib inspires them, this section on Sikh Parenting will be exclusive content for those who wish to join. I will be sharing our failures and successes as well as all we have learned on how to raise children to become Bhagats of Vaheguru ji.
The first lesson that I will share is this:
Get married to a Gurmukh partner and have as many children as Vaheguru will bless you with.